Is It 'D*ckhead Monday'? (Protect Yourself, Grasshopper)
Posted: Mon Aug 20, 2007 1:02 pm
Does a memo or something go out every weekend inviting any d*ckhead with access to a vehicle onto the roads?
Because that's what seems to happen every Monday!
Perhaps after a weekend of binge drinking, everyone forgets how to drive?
My lunchtime highlights consisted of 3 attempts on my life and another 3 of what I can only assume were escaped orangutans who had stolen cars.
Of extra special note is the blind, ignorant plonker who, when seeing a bike driving through Morrisons carpark, headlight ablaze, decided to turn right across my path when I was less than 10ft away. Everyone else thought he was a d*ckhead, too, judging by their headshakes and scowls. He tried his best to ignore my gesticulations, bless him. Hope he doesn't get suffocated by a naked fat man with a skin disease sitting on his face - it would break my fokkin heart.
Also to the 'faultless' driver of the white minivan, who consistently drove at 25-30mph in a clearly marked 40mph zone for a mile, and not content with the growing queue of annoyed people behind him, decided to stop dead in the middle of the main road to allow a car to turn right out of a sidestreet.
Luckily my special 'Wally Radar' was switched on, and so I stopped alongside the van expecting the car to appear in front of me. A big handful of revs may have woken him up as I pulled away.
On a brighter note, it appears I have a passenger on my VFR!
There's a bright green grasshopper sat on top of my dashboard! He appears to like the higher dual carriageway speeds, as he turned around, no doubt hanging his little
out into the breeze like a happy dog.
He probably hitched a ride from my home this morning, but I didn't notice him on that 10 mile blast. The local village grasshoppers seem very fond of riding on my bike, and if they can hang on have been known to travel miles with me all the way back home!
Is it just me they like to ride with?
Strange when you consider I'm quite well known for having eaten several of them whole and alive...
Maybe they just like living dangerously?
Either way, I'll protect the little green runt from all the Monday D*ckheads!
Because that's what seems to happen every Monday!
Perhaps after a weekend of binge drinking, everyone forgets how to drive?
My lunchtime highlights consisted of 3 attempts on my life and another 3 of what I can only assume were escaped orangutans who had stolen cars.
Of extra special note is the blind, ignorant plonker who, when seeing a bike driving through Morrisons carpark, headlight ablaze, decided to turn right across my path when I was less than 10ft away. Everyone else thought he was a d*ckhead, too, judging by their headshakes and scowls. He tried his best to ignore my gesticulations, bless him. Hope he doesn't get suffocated by a naked fat man with a skin disease sitting on his face - it would break my fokkin heart.
Also to the 'faultless' driver of the white minivan, who consistently drove at 25-30mph in a clearly marked 40mph zone for a mile, and not content with the growing queue of annoyed people behind him, decided to stop dead in the middle of the main road to allow a car to turn right out of a sidestreet.
Luckily my special 'Wally Radar' was switched on, and so I stopped alongside the van expecting the car to appear in front of me. A big handful of revs may have woken him up as I pulled away.
On a brighter note, it appears I have a passenger on my VFR!
There's a bright green grasshopper sat on top of my dashboard! He appears to like the higher dual carriageway speeds, as he turned around, no doubt hanging his little
out into the breeze like a happy dog.He probably hitched a ride from my home this morning, but I didn't notice him on that 10 mile blast. The local village grasshoppers seem very fond of riding on my bike, and if they can hang on have been known to travel miles with me all the way back home!
Is it just me they like to ride with?
Strange when you consider I'm quite well known for having eaten several of them whole and alive...
Maybe they just like living dangerously?
Either way, I'll protect the little green runt from all the Monday D*ckheads!
